“It started with an alcohol addiction. From there I started snorting cocaine. Then I turned to hard rock cocaine. That’s where I had my big fallout. All my morals and everything just flew out the window. After that ,it was hard rock cocaine. My life began to spiral out of control. I was hanging around the wrong people, convincing myself I’m a functioning alcoholic, I’m a functioning drug user. Nobody wanted to be around me. My family said if you don’t want to help yourself, how are we going to help you? I was in denial. I always told myself I don’t have a habit.
It’s a lonely feeling. You ain’t got nothing to show for it. You wake up knowing you had $200 or $300 in your pocket and now you ain’t got shit. You don’t even know where to start. You don’t even remember where you laid down. You just remember you were high last night. You work two weeks all week and by the weekend, you’re broke. You got people who take advantage of you cause they know you get out of your mind. You find yourself living in abandoned cars and vacant properties.”
“I started seeing I wasn’t accomplishing anything. The drugs were taking over my life from every angle as I always found a way to blame someone else. You just start noticing your years and the age starts going higher and higher. Everybody has a gift and everybody has a purpose. I’m to that stage in my life where I want to know my purpose and why I should be here. I’ve never been peer pressured. I had a great childhood with two loving parents. You start wondering where the sad, bad apple on your tree came from. But in the end, only I am responsible for my actions. Everything I tried because I wanted to. I lost everything for what? That one time. That one hit. That one high.”
“I came to the crisis center for help and now I’m 30 days clean. As long as I can stay sober for today, we’ll worry about tomorrow when it comes. This guy that’s been here for over a year gave me his 1-year badge to give me a goal. If he can do it, I can do it. He’s been clean for 9 years. This badge is me surrendering, letting it go. I have daughters who are looking up to me and a sister who is keeping me motivated. It’s a long and difficult process but life moves on. I want to enjoy the rest of my life. I’ve got a lot of time left.”
